SFOintern
October 26, 2001, 12:26 PM
Company Faces Worst Managment Crisis in History
(FP - Facetious Press)
by Senior Staff Writer
United Airlines employees, investors, analysts, customers, and observers rejoiced at the possibility of Goodwin being put on the figurative chopping block, according to unconfirmed reports.
Interested parties are reported to have stated, "before Sept. 11 we were not in a comfortable management state, with incompetence exceeding the single-cell organism degree on a daily basis."
"Today the situation is exacerbated, with tomfoolery exceeding logical action at four times the pre-Sept. 11 rate. Today, we are literally hemorrhaging confidence and trust in management."
"Clearly, this asinine behavior has to be stopped--and soon--or Goodwin (& his cronies!!!) will perish sometime in the next 48 hours."
Uncomfirmed reports indicate a mob uprising at Elk Grove Township, Illinois, where members from all areas of the United family gathered around a grey and blue guillotine.
They christened the guillotine Friendship One.
(FP - Facetious Press)
by Senior Staff Writer
United Airlines employees, investors, analysts, customers, and observers rejoiced at the possibility of Goodwin being put on the figurative chopping block, according to unconfirmed reports.
Interested parties are reported to have stated, "before Sept. 11 we were not in a comfortable management state, with incompetence exceeding the single-cell organism degree on a daily basis."
"Today the situation is exacerbated, with tomfoolery exceeding logical action at four times the pre-Sept. 11 rate. Today, we are literally hemorrhaging confidence and trust in management."
"Clearly, this asinine behavior has to be stopped--and soon--or Goodwin (& his cronies!!!) will perish sometime in the next 48 hours."
Uncomfirmed reports indicate a mob uprising at Elk Grove Township, Illinois, where members from all areas of the United family gathered around a grey and blue guillotine.
They christened the guillotine Friendship One.