Truant Child

[Paddles_up]

H-E-L-P !
I'm about to "rip my hair out".
I just found out that my 14 year old son hasn't been to school in TWO WEEKS!
In this state parents are held accountable for thier children's truancy.
I am no doubt going to have to go to court. I could stand to loose my job over this! Not to mention the fines.
I am a single parent and I have to work 0400 to 1400 daily. My son has to catch the school bus at 0630 to be at school by 0730.
I have to rely on him to make sure he gets to school on time....obviously he's not getting his butt out of bed.
I tried working the 1400 to 2400 shift, but when I got home from work there was always a house full of teenagers, my house was a total wreck and all the food in the house would be eaten.
I have house rules and they are:
go to school
make good grades
keep room clean
no kids in the house when I'm gone
do not leave the house when I'm gone

The ONLY rule he follows is keeping his room half way clean.....otherwise his buddies will not want to come over!

I'm not sure what do to....this kid is MORE than twice my size and discipline is next to impossible.

P-L-E-A-S-E H-E-L-P !!

[Karen 737]

<font color="deeppink">
Honey, you know I'm not much for the family and emotion stuff, you know trying to keep the crab cakes and pate down and all that!
But you have to communicate with your kids!
I never talk to my stepchildren, and they drag me down there for the teacher/parent conference only to tell me that my kids made the honor roll?! Honey, my time is precious! Call me when one of them gives birth at the prom!
So you see, I don't give a family environment, Rosario does so let me wait for her to get me that MARTINI, YEAH ROSARIO YOU HEARD ME, THINGS ARE MUY LOCO DOWN AT THE OFICINA SO GET ME MY DAMN MARTINI!
Anyway, when she comes I'll ask!
Kisses
</font color>

[flymeaway]

Egads dispatcher! I'm so sorry!

I have two questions...

First, what was his explanation? Is he into anything bad? (Besides sleeping late and being lazy, that is...) If not, are you sure?

Second, maybe I'm spoiled being from a small town where everyone knows everyone...but I can't believe the school didn't contact you earlier on in this situation! I mean a day or two, fine - but two weeks?!

I'm not a parent, so I don't know if I could give you any advice worth anything...I'm inclined to suggest calling the house at 6am, then calling the school later to see if he made it. But that takes up your whole morning, and I'm not sure what you could do if he wasn't at school.

Thought about counseling?

[bridget74]

Pfft...you're asking the wrong person here, sister. I'd send his ass to military school so fast, it'd make his head spin.

Quick question: does he understand the consequences from your end if he doesn't go to school? You'd better make sure he DOES understand. Because if you get in trouble and lose your job, then he'd better understand that it means no more clothes, food, or housing for HIM.

I had a cousin that pulled stunts like this. Finally, my aunt had her arrested and sent to a drug rehab. It hurt my aunt like hell, but there just wasn't an alternative. And in the end, it probably saved my cousin's life.

Some things are NON-NEGOTIABLE. PERIOD! It's time for tough love, sister. It's your house, and you're in charge. You make the rules. If he doesn't obey them, have his happy ass arrested and sent to juvenille detention. It sucks, but the alternative is letting him run wild. And you'd be better off to get it under control now than to let it fester and have him get into MORE illegal activities.

JMHO...

[Studley]

Doesn't Reba Rae have a lot of kids? How does she handle them? It sounds like she would be the best person to ask.

[bridget74]

'Spatcher, something else to keep in mind...

It doesn't sound like this kid has any constructive hobbies. Nothing to keep him on the straight and narrow, you know? No sports or anything.

Maybe it's time to find out what he would love to do if he could. I know you said your older son has gotten his pilot's license...any chance of doing something like that for your 14-year-old? Not necessarily his pilots' license, but something he enjoys doing that he can put his time and energy into?

He obviously doesn't like going to school. Okay, no biggie...a lot of kids don't particularly care for school. But WHY does he avoid it so? I'd get to the bottom of that, as well. Because at the rate this kid is going, it sounds like his future career ambitions may end up with him saying, "Do you want fries with that?" :wink_2:

[Earthling@ALB]

in my area there is a program called, "persons in need of supervision" - it's nickname is "PINS".
Once a child is put into this system, they meet with a real Probation Officer on a weekly basis
and go over what they are supposed to accomplish - going to school, home work, helping at
home, etc. They also do an 'attitude check' to make sure the subject-twerp is moving forward.
But - - - if they don't do like they are expected to, they can and sometimes do get 'placed' into
group homes. The upside - it's a last resort but it has a good success rate. Downside - once
your munchkin is 'in the system' it's hard to remove them from the program - they have to
fulfill whatever the term is. And there is a pretty solid followup program - but it can give your
child a sort of temporary 'mark' on their record....

Good luck, I understand what you are going through....

[Doc._K_N_Owitall]

Hmmmm, I don't feel I'm qualified to answer this one.
I aint got no kids that I'll admit to.

I figure I'd probably do something to the boy that'll get me arrested.
And I realise that doesn't help ya any.

Maybe you could have a big police officer come to the house and "talk" to him a bit.
Explain the details he doesn't wanna hear from you.

You could even cook the good officer some dinner and show him some lace.
Hell, he might move in.

Maybe not, but good luck anyway.

[aftgalley]

I feel for you! I'm just going by what happens up in the great white north but here goes-
You mention the parents are accountable for the childs truancy, but what of the school? Is there not a system in place for a phone call when a child does not go to school? If I've not phoned the school to say my child is sick/has a
Drs appointment, it will be followed up even if it means a phone call at work. I'd be phoning the District Superintendant to find out if proper procedures were followed and to ask if it would be feasible to set up a meeting with you, the Principal and his counselor to enlist their help in setting up a "contract" spelling out what the school's expectations are and what the consequences will be if he reneges ie: summer school, military school,loss of extracurricular activities. If the response is favorable, send a letter to the school requesting such a meeting cc'ing the Superintendant. Start a paper trail! Then they won't be able to brush you off. I'd also contact the Parent Advisory Counsel or PTA to ask if they have a Parent Advocate program- someone who would be able to assist you through this mess. Sometimes its good to have a third party in this type of meeting because its hard not to let your own emotions get in the way. Above all, be an advocate for your child. At 14 they don't have all the smarts to make educated choices and they need your guidance. Also get in touch with a registered Psychologist that specializes in family counseling. Good Luck!

[Paddles_up]

In reply to:<hr />
I'd send his ass to military school so fast, it'd make his head spin.



Yeah sister...you and me both! Boot Camp!

[Paddles_up]

In reply to:<hr />
It doesn't sound like this kid has any constructive hobbies.



He has recently been asked to be on a "young guns" paintball marker team. However, he works for his grandparents to earn money to play paintball....I certainly can't afford it.

[Paddles_up]

In reply to:<hr />
Is there not a system in place for a phone call when a child does not go to school?


Yes, there is but it's a computer generated phone system. He is usually the one to answer the phone so I never get them!
I am meeting with the school attendance counselor tomorrow morning to "nip this in the butt"! However, they have already made him sign a contract making him accountable for his actions.

Somewhere out there is a peer that I'm not aware of who drives. When I find out who he is, I'm going to have a very long talk with his parents!

He already sees a counselor.

[Paddles_up]

In reply to:<hr />
First, what was his explanation? Is he into anything bad?



He says the teachers are lying and that he is "just late" for class and they are marking him absent.
As far as anything bad...I sure hope not! :confus_2:

[Mystere IV A]

Good Luck 'spatcher !
I hope and wish you'll be able to find a way and solve this problem.
I am sorry but I cant help you except moral support ...

Fly High :windsock:
:pilot_2:

[Dr. Loverboi]

DXVixen, I also have no kids at present, but some of my friends who have since settled down and had kids had talked to me about some of the same issues you are experiencing.

They basically got firm with their kids, even resorting to a mild form of psychological warfare to get their point across. Here's an example.

If you notice, kids love their privacy, so they shut the door to their rooms, giving them a buffer zone. One of my friends' kids was having some discipline problems, so one day, he decided to take action to get things back on track.

He unscrewed the hinges on his son's door, removing it and opening the room up for about two weeks. No more privacy. :shocked: Needless to say, the kid got the message very quickly, and the door has since been re-installed, with the threat of removal still in place should he stray again. :grin:

[Docent75]

I'm with mystere here. No relevent experience, but a lot of sympathy.

[Angelflyer]

hey dispatcher this is all too familiar for me. i remember those high school days very well since it was only two years ago i finished. Everything he is telling you is what i would tell my parents. hell i didn't start skipping school till i was 17 in the 11th grade. it seems like alot of kids these days are starting when they are freshman. i work with a lady and her daughter is doing the same crap. i remember that dad had to come down and talk with a counseler and we had to set up this plan where i had to carry a piece of paper to each class and the teacher would sign it on a daily basis and then on fridays they would also write down my current grade for the class and then since it was friday i would have to go show the counseler the paper to sign off. it was kinda embarrassing cause the other kids new that i was not attending on a regualar basis but some other kids would have them too. let's just put it this way i learned real quick and after about a month i didn't have to carry the paper around anymore but some kids would have to do it year round.

[Karen 737]

<font color="deeppink">
Maybe get him into something new and interesting, an activity or a hobby as mentioned!
When I was growing up I liked to ... well not the kinda stuff 14 year old boys should anyway!
But, explain to him the importance of school, I mean ... what the hell am I saying, I think Rosario is putting me on new pills, I hated school and don't know anything about that!
But I do know stress, explain about that, it was like the time that my fellow office workers and I were heading down to lunch, and suddenly the lights went out, the elevator dropped and... Dennis Hopper said he'd kill us all if his demands weren't met. Honey, thank god Keanu Reeves was there to get us out!
Kisses
</font color>

[WJguy]

My sympathies....I've got two nephews (18 &amp; 14) whose teen years have been hell - partly because they're teenagers, partly because of their parents divorce, partly because Mom's an alcoholic, and partly because of their own behavior.

Hmmm...as for your phone messages, I'd suggest a cell phone with voicemail for yourself, but that's $$. How about call display, with the call display LOCKED up in your room? He can delete the messages, but it'll still have a listing of the numbers. Although again $$ if you don't have it now.

Some suggestions - is there an adult in his life both he and you admire? My nephews looked up to me, and at times I was able to talk to them about issues in their lives. Also, if he's seeing a counselor, but he's still pulling this sh**, get another counselor, as this person may be ineffective. Another suggestion - is there a friend or family member you trust who lives in the same city? Have them either go to your home and check up on your kid until you get home, or better yet, have your son go to their home. His choices would then be 1)do homework until you pick him up, or 2) see number 1. I know we don't want to impose on our friends and family, but this is a crisis, and if you can't rely on your close friends/family at a time like this, who can you rely on?

[wrengeaux]

Dispatcher,

You have gotten a lot of good advice in regard to this post. Hopefully it will help you resolve some of these issues. The one thing I can offer you in the way of advice is for you not to feel as though you have done something wrong. You have given him the chance to cooperate and he has refused to do so. There is too much at stake for you to not be firm and assertive here. Use the resources that have been suggested and do not apologize for doing the right thing, always remind him that he left you no choice.

Good Luck,,, been there, doing that.
Your Friend,
Ringo !

[Paddles_up]

Thanks everyone. I have to admit if we were issued parental training manuals when we decided to become parents, we may have thought twice about it....especially if annual recurrent parental training was required. (You know ...like ground school?) It would also make it easier to deal with issues like these....just go to the "operations manual" and look it up! NOT that simple!
Unfortunately the reality of the situation is as parents we have to learn as we go. As a single parent, this is NOT easy. I feel a BIG part of his problem is the fact that there is no real father figure in his life.
He and I met with the school counselor ealy Friday morning. The counselor explained the ramifications of "The Becca Bill". The law that holds him and me responsible for HIS actions. He was required to sign a contract insuring that he will abide by the school rules and state laws in reference to truancy. Time will tell how effective this measure will be.
As it is right now, he has flunked all but one class this semester.(His first freshman semester.) The one class he is passing (barely) is an elective and not required to graduate. Sooo, now he has to make up 4 classes to graduate. He has a loooooooooong haul ahead of him.
This leads me to the next problem. His father. When his father finds out about this, he will no doubt sue me for custody of him too. (He took my baby away last Spring.) Not because he wants Jarrod, but to punish me for divorcing him. I don't stand a chance in hell with it because he re-married for money and can afford the best lawyers in Alaska. We would again be drug through the the very cruel legal system in Alaska once again.
Sooooo, from here on out. I truely have my work cut out for me as a parent.

[flymeaway]

Oh jeez....I'm so sorry to hear it, hon. I know its not any consolation, but it seems that the system is screwed up everywhere. My boyfriend's sister is going through something similar with her child - and its just hell. My sympathies and best wishes to you in dealing with it all.

[rambling]

Dispatcher-
I am a former high school teacher, and my own two kids presented me with behavioral "challenges". If you'd like specific school-professional advice, please send me a private message. I'd be happy to share some thoughts and some strategies with you.

[Dr._Playmate]

<font color="purple">'Spatcher,

I must admit, I don't know my ass from page two when it cums to rugrats... but my best friend is a teacher. Believe me when I say she has seen her share of "challenges". From STDs to gangs to pregnancy in grade six to drug abuse... I hear every single detail. If you ever want to chat with her, let me know. We can all do lunch at the Mansion. :smile_2:

Dr. Penny Playmate </font color>

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