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Paddles_up
January 20, 2003, 10:25 AM
Top ten things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:

10. Immediately go shopping for bananas and cucumbers
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half
8. See if they could finally do the splits
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first
3. Go to the gynaecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too:

And the NUMBER ONE thing men would do it they woke up with a vagina:

1. Finally find that damned G spot


Top ten things women would do if they woke up and had a penis for a day:

10. Get (a) head faster in their career
9. Get a blow job
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm
4. Touch/adjust yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which
occurs when a man eyes the ruler situated next to his member
which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

And the NUMBER ONE thing women would do if they woke up with a penis

1. Repeat number 9. :windsock: :grin:
(ya damned right!)

JuniorPuke
January 20, 2003, 10:48 AM
Dearest DXVixen-
Forgive the "French"- but, I'd SHIT PURPLE TWINKIES. I'm very attached to "The Boys"
Gay, yes- but very happy to be a man.
-JP

Studley
January 20, 2003, 12:34 PM
JP, that's # 11 on both lists. LOL :grin:

baloo
January 20, 2003, 12:44 PM
Dispatcher honey if men had tits they would play with them
all day and nothing would ever get done! :grin: :grin:

Paddles_up
January 20, 2003, 01:02 PM
In reply to:<hr />
I'm very attached to "The Boys"


JuniorPuke and baloo....I'm equally attached to "the girls"...can't imagine what I'd do without them.

Hey, if I had a penis I'd play with it all day too...oh wait...you guys ALREADY do that! :grin:

mdtony
January 20, 2003, 01:27 PM
Does anyone remember the song "Detachable Penis" from a few years ago? It's just a guy mumbling but it's pretty funny.

Paddles_up
January 20, 2003, 01:33 PM
Do you remember the song "My Ding-a-ling"?

My ding-a-ling...my-ding-a-ling...won't you play with MY ding-a-ling! :windsock:

skygirl2003
January 20, 2003, 02:37 PM
Whoah dispatch! One for the boys, for sure! :grin:

Studley
January 20, 2003, 03:32 PM
LOL....'Spatcher, you just triggered a Summer Day Camp memory of my youth. LOL :grin:

Jessica
January 20, 2003, 04:01 PM
Oh - if I could just do it for a day! I think it would be so incredibly educational!

Let's see...I'd...

...get a blow job
...pee my name in the snow
...see if I look the same as I did before I got the penis if I tuck it between my legs
...beat off (many times - because life is short)
...get another blow job
...try on both boxers and briefs to see which is truly better
...and finally - just to see how bad it is - I'd have one of my girlfriends kick me in the balls as hard as she could so that I could really relate to the guys when I got my beloved vagina back. :laugh:

yoshi
January 20, 2003, 04:07 PM
In reply to:<hr />
try on both boxers and briefs to see which is truly better



Jess, don't forget about flip flaps too! :grin: :grin:

Me, if I had a pee-pee, I'd just want a blow job, sex and ..... ok another blow job. Oh and to see how long it'll take to recover before I can go for another round!

Jessica
January 20, 2003, 04:11 PM
In reply to:<hr />
...to see how long it'll take to recover before I can go for another round!



No kidding, Yoshi! I think that "reloading" line is all a bunch of B.S. that really means they can't keep up w/our insatiable (sp?) sexual desires. :laugh:

N727NK
January 20, 2003, 04:59 PM
In reply to:<hr />
...beat off (many times - because life is short)



Jess- Hopefully the penis in question is not short itself..

Chris

EXASaab
January 20, 2003, 08:01 PM
In reply to:<hr />
...and finally - just to see how bad it is - I'd have one of my girlfriends kick me in the balls as hard as she could so that I could really relate to the guys when I got my beloved vagina back.



Trust me you DO NOT WANT to get "racked"
That made my lower stomach turn inside out just thinking..
Ohhh the pain!! :crazy: :ooo:

JuniorPuke
January 20, 2003, 09:02 PM
Now, Now, EXASAAB-
These girls wanna "Walk on the Wild Side" we need to let em- no more hand holding. We gotta let em explore these possibilities.
For example, I know better than to wish for a yeast infection. it's a bear, that just neer gets "itched."
-JP

N727NK
January 21, 2003, 08:22 AM
In reply to:<hr />
And the NUMBER ONE thing men would do it they woke up with a vagina:

1. Finally find that damned G spot





'Spatch- Why would I need to wake up with one to find it??? I seem to be able to find it on my girl with NO problem :grin:

(boioiooiioiiiing :windsock:)

Chris

flymeaway
January 21, 2003, 09:50 AM
In reply to:<hr />
pee my name in the snow



This would be first on my list...

and peeing in the woods without fear of poison ivy where you want it least!

EXASaab
January 21, 2003, 10:12 AM
In reply to:<hr />
Now, Now, EXASAAB-
These girls wanna "Walk on the Wild Side" we need to let em- no more hand holding. We gotta let em explore these possibilities.



Hey your right, no more hand holding take it like a MAN!
Whose first? I got my boots ready! :grin: :grin:

JetBoy76
January 21, 2003, 02:43 PM
OMG!!!
I can't even imagine not seeing Anaconda for one day :frown_2:
But if I woke up with a vagina, I would make the most out of it :grin:OH YEAH
[Jetboys walks away with the most evil smile ever]
HAPPY FLYING :windsock:

skygirl2003
January 21, 2003, 02:45 PM
OMG Jetboy. Don't even think about it . . . :shocked: :mad_2: :grin:

JetBoy76
January 21, 2003, 03:01 PM
What if we wake up with both?? :confus_2:
Would you ever leave the house?? :shocked:
HAPPY FLYING :windsock:

skygirl2003
January 21, 2003, 03:10 PM
NEVA!! :shocked: :laugh: :grin:

JetBoy76
January 21, 2003, 03:16 PM
Knowing ya, not even with just one of them :grin: :blush:
HAPPY EXPLORING :windsock:

mdtony
January 21, 2003, 03:38 PM
In reply to:<hr />
Trust me you DO NOT WANT to get "racked"



Nope. What is funny is that the ones that hurt the most are when you get barely nicked. You get drilled right in the jimmy and it hurts, big time! But that is nothing compared to when you just get dinged.

Jessica
January 21, 2003, 03:40 PM
Not a moment in my life goes by in which I don't learn something new! :laugh:

jetstar
January 21, 2003, 04:02 PM
And just for good measure, make sure you trap it in your zip... a nice Levis jeans zip with huge brass teeth will work a treat!! :ooo: :ooo: :ooo:

mdtony
January 21, 2003, 04:05 PM
In reply to:<hr />
What if we wake up with both??
Would you ever leave the house??



Kind of like the question, why do dogs lick themselves down there. Because they can!

mdtony
January 21, 2003, 04:07 PM
In reply to:<hr />
And just for good measure, make sure you trap it in your zip... a nice Levis jeans zip with huge brass teeth will work a treat!!



Frank and beans, anyone?

How the hell did you get the beans over the frank?

skygirl2003
January 21, 2003, 04:15 PM
You know me too well, Jetboy. Scary . . . :confus_2:

Paddles_up
January 22, 2003, 02:10 PM
In reply to:<hr />
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently



My pet peeve...if ya can't get it IN the bowl...sit your ass down and pee! :mad_2:

JetBoy76
January 22, 2003, 06:05 PM
I like it when you talk dirty my Sweet Dispatcher :blush:
HAPPY "SITTING" :windsock:

Paddles_up
January 23, 2003, 07:53 AM
In reply to:<hr />
I got my boots ready!



&lt;she sings (yes again)..."These boots were made for walkin' and that's just what I'll do! One of these days these boots are gonna walk ALL over you!"&gt; :cool_2:

Paddles_up
January 23, 2003, 07:55 AM
In reply to:<hr />
What if we wake up with both??



That would make you a hermaphrodite? :shocked:

JetBoy76
January 23, 2003, 08:42 AM
Not really dispatch, that would make you the most popular person at any party :shocked: :blush:
HAPPY FLYING :windsock:

mdtony
January 23, 2003, 09:14 AM
In reply to:<hr />
Not really dispatch, that would make you the most popular person at any party



Would you even leave the house to go to a party?

:grin:

N727NK
January 23, 2003, 11:48 AM
In reply to:<hr />
Would you even leave the house to go to a party?



Prolly not.. You'd have enough fun on your own!!!!

Chris

Paddles_up
January 23, 2003, 11:57 AM
In reply to:<hr />
that would make you the most popular person at any party



One would have all the makings of a PRIVATE party! :blush:

JetBoy76
September 21, 2003, 08:46 AM
What if we wake up with both??
Would you ever leave the house??



Kind of like the question, why do dogs lick themselves down there. Because they can!



Must be nice to be so flexible, I might have to join Yoga, I am sure something good will cum out of it :smile_2:

HAPPY BENDING :grin: :windsock:

Paddles_up
September 21, 2003, 03:32 PM
I think that "reloading" line is all a bunch of B.S. that really means they can't keep up w/our insatiable (sp?) sexual desires.



AMEN sistah....are there ANY men out there that can truley KEEP UP!? :confus_2:

skygirl2003
September 21, 2003, 07:06 PM
Doubtful, dispatcher. (Watch them all come out of the woodwork, now. :grin: )

Studley
September 24, 2003, 09:31 PM
THIS JUST IN - Duke University Medical Center is reporting an unusual occurrence in the Obstetrics Department: A child was born with both male and female organs - a penis and a brain. :grin: :grin: