Tragic Accident: World Farting Championships
Dateline Fort Atkinson WI -
Tragedy struck at the World Farting Championship when a stray spark ignited a firestorm that injured two contestants.
Fire investigators determined that the source was a smoker who tried to sneak a cigarette during the Stinky Fart Free-For-All. Angus McSnorken has been arrested and charged with reckless endangerment by the FAPD.
When questioned, McSnorken was unapologetic, "Hey, who knew? It's not like they put up warnings or anything." Gretchen Tooter was onstage during the incident and was subsequently hospitalized with third degree burns on her gluteus maximus. Witnesses say that she was in the middle of contest winning eruption when flames shot over the crowd and struck her squarely in the posterior. Tooter's tragedy has drawn attention to an event that has remained an obscure cult phenomena for much of this last century.
The World Farting Championship was first sponsored in 1911 by The Jonsun Fine Matches Corporation. The competition has been held every year since its inception, although the location has frequently changed.
Apparently no city wants its name too closely associated with the event. Contestants compete in five categories: fart volume, fart duration, farts per minute, fart musicals, and fart stench. According to Charles Pequin, three time Grand Champion, "Farting requires great amounts of stamina and endurance. No matter how strong you are, being a champion demands the complete harmony of mind, body, spirit, and diet." Pequin is also Gretchen Tooters trainer.
He had high hopes for her performance in this years competition, "Gretchen had recently added Jamaican Jerk to her diet and it was really starting to show. I hope this incident doesn't stop her from competing in the future. She has a naturally gifted anus."
Last edited by remarkablebean; September 2, 2008 at 07:01 PM.
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.